As a victim of childhood sexual abuse, I thought I could live my life in peace without acknowledging what I experienced. What I didn’t realize, even as an ICU nurse, is that trauma took up residence in my mind and body. It would take me over 40 years to understand this and it was kicked off by my first panic attack and realization of my first trigger last year. Once I realized what was happening to me and my body I immediately found an amazing trauma psychologist and started therapy. Over a short amount of time, I read multiple books on incest, family systems, and family origins. I needed to not only understand who my parents were, but what my life was. Who truly raised me? A mother who was made aware, but denied my abuse. A stepfather with anti-social personality disorder and a psychopath. These theoretical understandings and DSM diagnoses don’t mean I forgive. They simply mean I now understand my parents were not good parents. In less than six months I’ve made excellent progress learning my triggers as well as leaning into other’s personalities to gain a sense of who they really were. Healing from sexual abuse and trauma requires hard work from us. It starts with breaking our silence because breaking our silence means we’re ready to start the self work to break the cycle. The most challenging issue with sexual abuse is using your voice, but if you choose to use your voice, you’ll be amazed at the redemption of self.
Stay tuned for more.
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