jessica green brown
This is a collection of survivor poetry by SCSA's own Jessica Green Brown. It contains emotions that some victims and survivors may find triggering.
Table of Contents
- A Child’s Hell
- Dying Inside
- Sins Against Children
- House of Pain
- Who
- Alone
- Angels
- Night Terrors
- Cursed
- Scarred
- Welcome Death
- Ignored
- Hell on Earth
- Disrespected Innocence
- Trapped in the Night
- Tears
A Child’s Hell
By: Jessica Lea Green
Haunting memories that fill the mind
Walls seeing such vile deceit
As if possessed by putrid evil
Anger overwhelms every inch
Muffling screams of pure anguish
Never seeping beyond walls of so many violent secrets
Horror scars the very foundation
A living hell witnessed only by blind eyes of pure stone
No voice could describe such misery.
Dying Inside
By: Jessica Lea Green
I’m dying inside,
No matter how hard I try,
I don’t know why,
I just always want to cry.
It feels like my world is caving in,
I wonder when the pain will end,
No matter what I do I can’t win,
And I’m not sure my wounds will ever mend.
My past haunts me,
People don’t understand my pain,
Everyone seems so happy,
And I just feel insane.
I’m trapped in a hole,
Dark clouds engulf my body,
I feel like I’m losing my soul,
Because I’ve been so naughty.
The pain of enduring so much,
Silently killing my soul,
The uncomfortable feelings and such,
Will eventually take its toll.
Sins Against Children
By: Jessica Lea Green
One who hurts children will never win,
God will avenge such an awful sin,
And set an example for all men,
To prevent this outrage from happening again.
What will these sinners say,
On judgment day,
When they’re at the gates,
Where God patiently waits
And asked why they did what God hates.
They will pay, God won’t delay
For the grave mistake that they made
By having their way,
With defenseless creatures,
Who are taught to trust their teachers,
Whose natural dependence is betrayed,
And for the one who hurts a child,
The consequences won’t be mild,
God will always avenge the pain of an innocent child.
House of Pain
By: Jessica Green
Masked pain behind solid walls,
Life painted as a portrait of bliss,
New hell begins every waking day
Hidden anger unleashes relentlessly,
Battered and viciously violated
Muffled screams cry for a help that will never come
Fragile deep inside, hoping not to break
Alone in this house of pain
Soul shattered; dreams battered
No one knew of the house of terror
One young child had to face.
Who
By: Jessica Green
Who could be so cold,
To betray a child at four years old,
Who could be so sick,
To hurt a child with a stick.
Who could be so mean,
To show a child something obscene,
Who could be so cruel,
To beat a child every day after school.
Who could be so heartless,
To beat a child senseless,
Who could be so evil,
To send a child’s emotions in upheaval,
Who could be so ugly,
To beat and molest a child smugly,
Who could be so blind,
To think a child doesn’t have a mind.
Alone
By: Jessica Green
Full of agony and despair,
Angry and scared,
There’s no one there
That really ever cared.
No support or protection,
Lost in a cold world,
With no sense of direction,
Sits a lonely, confused little girl.
Eyes filled with tears,
Heart full of dread,
Desperate to escape her fears,
She’d be better off dead.
People see her pain,
But don’t want to get involved,
She cries for help in vain,
So her problems will never be resolved.
Angels
By: Jessica Green
Angels watch over all the little children,
Who are lonely, sad, confused and lost,
In the world so self-centered and cold,
Guarding them from pain and evil.
Angels represent everything beautiful,
Heartfelt, lovely and wonderful,
That instills hope, love, and caring in all.
Angels can’t stop evil from happening,
But can show compassion and give guidance,
And lead all God’s children to the right life path.
Angels are God’s messengers and helpers,
They are full of love and life,
AS beautiful inside as they are outside,
Because they represent all the goodness in the world.
Night Terrors
By: Jessica Green Brown
Terrors in the night,
Fill one with fright,
Doomed to fight,
From now until daylight,
Terror so deep,
Sanity is hard to keep,
When the past comes back,
And won’t cut any slack,
It could make the strongest man cry,
The weakest want to die,
From the torture and pain
And cries in vain,
Feeling as if you’re going insane.
Memories that taint the soul,
Leaving a gigantic, gaping hole,
Filled with anger and woe,
Feeling dirty and low,
Reliving the torment of the past,
Where fear always seems to last.
Cursed
By: Jessica Green
Cursed I am, internal fights,
Sleepless nights, Painful days
Cursed to be lonely, on my own
Angry with the world, which I have grown.
Careless flaws, happy dreams
Death without cause,
Life is harder than it seems
Shattered at heart, life such a mess
Hoping for a fresh start, lost in darkness.
Cursed pain wreaking havoc
On every shed tear
Hiding from life, all reasons unclear
Desire afar, pain too much
Yearning to forget, a wonder so sought
Stomach churning, sick at the thought
Painful depths, gross and ashamed,
A blessing stolen, reasons never known,
So sensitive, lost on its own
Too painful is this loss, the one within
My heart years for the pain to end.
Scarred
By: Jessica Green
Trouble filled eyes the no one sees
Fear filled heart
No one cares
A hidden burden so wicked
Dream of love and happiness
Shattered with every blow
Wishing upon a star not to end up six feet below
Unavoidable withering away
Chipping from battered abuse
Cracking silently as hope begins to fade
Immaculate sin fills every aspect of life
Memories scar the very foundation
From what those walls have seen and heard
Haunting even newcomers
Like an earthquake ripping it to shreds
Pain echoes through every inch
Disintegrating even the prospect of slight recovery.
Welcome Death
By: Jessica Green
The scars so deep within my soul
Eating me up inside, I could bear no more
In my heart there was a void
But I had no power at the age of four
I grew up into such abuse
I gave up on life
Figuring what’s the use
He’ll kill me if I tell.
I always thought of running away,
A couple of times I almost did,
But something made me stay,
And he just kept having his way
I always wanted to die
I welcomed death to avoid the pain
Although it scared me
The abuse almost drove me insane.
All the fear changed to anger and hatred,
Hatred at the world for not helping,
Hatred at God for letting it happen,
And hatred at myself for being born.
Ignored
By: Jessica Green
Many years have passed
Since I was beaten last
When my cries of pain wrung out in vain
Everyone turned away
No matter what I would say
They just turned the opposite way
Tear-streaked face
Bruised and hurt all over the place
People would stop to stare
But not take the time to really care
So I was forced to keep reliving the nightmare
They refused to intervene
Proceeding on to carry out their dreams
Selfish it was to me
How cold and heartless they could be.
Hell on Earth
By: Jessica Green
Thoughts race through the mind, yearning for release,
Lurking around every corner,
Another terror to haunt one’s dreams,
No matter which way one turns one can find no peace,
One comes apart at the seams.
The world subjects one to severe torture and pain,
Days corrupted by terrifying memories of
Traumatic incidents of the past
Which invade one’s dreams
And plague the somber moments within the night.
Depression and anxiety grasp the fragile soul,
The heart becomes engulfed by grief and strife,
The only escape is death, which would be a relief.
Why does the world have to be so cold?
Disrespected Innocence
By: Jessica Green
Animals and children are innocent,
Creatures who need love and protection,
But face abandonment and torment,
With little or no affection or personal connection,
Innocence is considered naivety,
And maintains a negative connotation,
In the eyes of the guilty,
Who take advantage of innocence,
And use it for their pleasure,
Those who disrespect innocence,
Can have no heart,
And will never see heaven’s gates,
Where the untainted innocent creatures go.
Trapped in the Night
By: Jessica Green
Dreams I can’t escape,
Torture and pain unrelentless,
Hell unleashed,
Destroying peaceful sleep.
Fighting in the night,
Yearning to be free,
Unable to overcome the grasp,
My mind has on me.
Hate and anger plague somber moments,
Leaving the mind in turmoil,
Good against evil, haunting sleep,
With terrifying memories,
Which traumatize so deep.
Tears
By: Jessica Green
All the tears I’ve cried,
After the immense joy I lost,
Left me dead inside,
The pain I can’t hide.
I’ve shed tears,
Until I can no more,
Reality has struck,
And my eyes are sore.
I feel like I look,
With a tear-stained face,
My eyes are saddened,
My heart is filled with hatred.
One month to this day,
My life had changed for the better,
I could have never expected,
Such pain would overcome me.
I feel like my life is over,
The tears that stain my face,
Will never go away,
For me there is no brighter day.
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